Teacher's Summary
This writing sample effectively conveys the author's experiences and emotions. With a few adjustments for tense consistency and sentence structure, it can become even clearer and more engaging.
Your Writing with highlights
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The author said that when he was making a mission statement with his family, he made roles for everyone. The yard was given to one of his sons. The father told the son that he was not going to boss him around, and that the son was his own judge. And just like that the yard was in perfect shape.
The author said that he was at a conference when someone told him that all of the fun was sucked out of these conferences, because his wife was calling and texting him the entire time asking about what he did, where he went, and what he is doing. The man said that he knows she does this because he met his wife at a conference just like that one, when he was married to someone else. The author said that he can't change what he did with his actions with his words.
The author said that he took two of his sons to a movie when they were little. And the younger one fell asleep during the movie. The author said he took off his coat and covered the younger one with it. Later that night the older one seemed sad and the father asked why. The younger one asked if he was cold, would his father put his coat around him.
Issues Summary
"what he is doing"
→ Suggestion: what he was doing
The phrase should maintain past tense consistency with the rest of the narrative, as it describes events that occurred in the past.
"the younger one asked if he was cold, would his father put his coat around him."
→ Suggestion: the younger one asked if he was cold and if his father would put his coat around him.
This sentence contains a run-on structure; using 'and' helps clarify the relationship between the two clauses.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
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