Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents an intriguing narrative with a clear sequence of events. With some attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation, the clarity and impact of the story can be significantly enhanced. Keep up the good work and continue refining your writing skills!
Your Writing with highlights
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Judah is revealing to his sister his dream of becoming a solider, when the new head guy over Judea is traveling through. Judah goes to the roof to see him, but while up there he knocks a stone off the roof and it hits the guy in the head. he goes to start a life of slavery while his family went somewhere else he knew not where.
Issues Summary
"solider"
→ Suggestion: soldier
The word 'solider' is a misspelling; the correct term is 'soldier,' which refers to a person who serves in an army.
"he goes to start a life of slavery while his family went somewhere else he knew not where."
→ Suggestion: he goes to start a life of slavery while his family went somewhere else, of which he knew not where.
The phrase 'he knew not where' is awkward; rephrasing it to 'of which he knew not' improves clarity and maintains the formal tone.
"the new head guy over Judea is traveling through."
→ Suggestion: the new head guy over Judea is traveling through.
There is an extra space before 'traveling'; removing it will correct the punctuation and improve the overall readability.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
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