Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents an interesting narrative with some engaging details. By addressing the identified grammatical and syntactical issues, you can enhance clarity and readability, making your story even more compelling.
Your Writing with highlights
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After Ben-Hur left the former slave's house, whose name was Simon, he went farther into to town to find a place to stay. But Simon didn't think he was a Hur and so he sent a servant after him to watch him. The narrator then tells Simons story, He was a slave in the Hur house and was caring for the children because their father died. Their father treated his slaves well so Simon was a rich fellow and not a bond servant but a hired slave. The accident happened and everyone got split up. Simon got married and had a daughter, and has been ever since caring for the Hur inheritance shrewdly and is very very wealthy.
Issues Summary
"into to town"
→ Suggestion: into town
The phrase 'into to town' contains a redundancy; 'to' is unnecessary here. Simply using 'into town' is correct.
"Simons story"
→ Suggestion: Simon's story
The possessive form requires an apostrophe to indicate that the story belongs to Simon. It should be 'Simon's story'.
"He was a slave in the Hur house and was caring for the children because their father died."
→ Suggestion: He was a slave in the Hur house, caring for the children because their father had died.
The sentence can be improved for clarity by using a comma and changing 'was caring' to 'caring' to create a smoother flow.
"but a hired slave."
→ Suggestion: but a hired slave;
A semicolon is more appropriate here to connect closely related independent clauses, enhancing the readability of the sentence.
"and has been ever since caring for the Hur inheritance shrewdly"
→ Suggestion: and has been caring for the Hur inheritance shrewdly ever since
Rearranging the sentence improves clarity and flow, making it easier for the reader to understand the timeline of events.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
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