Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents an interesting narrative with engaging characters. By addressing a few punctuation and clarity issues, the writing can become even stronger and more polished.
Your Writing with highlights
Hover over highlighted text to see feedback and suggestions.
Judah meets a traveler and goes to the stadium with him. He decides to rent out some animals so he could compete against Mellissa who was the Roman he used to be friends with. The father and daughter who were mentioned before were mentioned again and the father told the daughter that they were Judah's servants and he did not know.
Issues Summary
"Mellissa who was the Roman"
→ Suggestion: Mellissa, who was the Roman
A comma is needed before 'who' to correctly set off the non-restrictive clause that provides additional information about Mellissa.
"the father and daughter who were mentioned before were mentioned again"
→ Suggestion: the father and daughter, who were mentioned before, were mentioned again
Adding commas around 'who were mentioned before' clarifies that this is a non-restrictive clause, improving the readability of the sentence.
"he did not know"
→ Suggestion: he did not know this
Adding 'this' clarifies what the father did not know, making the sentence more complete and understandable.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
Apply the feedback above and submit your revised version.