Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents an engaging narrative with a clear sequence of events. With a few corrections in spelling and punctuation, it will enhance clarity and readability. Keep up the good work and pay attention to those small details!
Your Writing with highlights
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Walking Out
A boy named David goes hunting with his father for grouse. H shoots many shots but does not hit any. The next year his father takes him moose hunting, and they stay at a cabin each night. One morning they wake up and go but there is snow on the ground outside; David goes off the trail a little to get some water, and a bear cub bites his hand. David's father comes and kicks the cub away and tells David to get up in a tree. When David gets up in the tree the mother bear comes and David tries to shoot it to protect his father but misses and hits him in the leg. David's father shoots the bear and then they start making their way back to the cabin. David's father dies on the way and David carries him back.
Issues Summary
"H shoots many shots"
→ Suggestion: He shoots many shots
It looks like 'H' is a typo for 'He'. Always ensure that pronouns are spelled out correctly to maintain clarity.
"but there is snow on the ground outside; David goes off the trail a little to get some water, and a bear cub bites his hand."
→ Suggestion: but there is snow on the ground outside. David goes off the trail a little to get some water, and a bear cub bites his hand.
The semicolon should be replaced with a period to separate the two independent clauses, making the sentence clearer.
"When David gets up in the tree the mother bear comes"
→ Suggestion: When David gets up in the tree, the mother bear comes
A comma is needed after 'tree' to properly separate the dependent clause from the independent clause that follows.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
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