Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents an intriguing narrative with complex characters and plot twists. By addressing the identified grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors, the clarity and impact of your story can be significantly enhanced. Keep up the good work and continue refining your writing skills!
Your Writing with highlights
Hover over highlighted text to see feedback and suggestions.
Judah has won the race, and at the same time crippled Masala for life. Unknown to him his sister and mother have been found while he was looking for them. He was sure and hoped that they had died well instead of suffering for 8 years. Little did he know that the prison guard that kept them locked up didn't even know they were in his prison. It's quite complicated actually. So when the blame had been placed on Judah for attempted murder of the new prefect, the mother and sister were arrested and sent to a prison that Masala had built just for them he built the cell behind the other cells in the prison and arrested an innocent deaf and mute man and told the guard that there were three deaf and mute men in his cell instead of one. He then had the deaf and mute prisoner feed the the mother and sister through the back of the cell with the food that was meant for the other two nonexistent deaf and mute men. Masala and the innocent prisoner were the only two who knew that mother and sister were back there. The mother and sister were essentially given leprosy by Masala and so ruined their lives for 8 years. When Pontious Pilot became Governor he had all the prisons inspected and all the innocent prisoner released. The prisoners in the prison the mother and daughter were in were such bad people that they were sentenced for life so when the inspection happened the mute and deaf man was let out and the communicated that people were in the hidden cell behind them. But Judah can't even see his mother and sister because they are lepros.
Issues Summary
"Unknown to him his sister and mother have been found"
→ Suggestion: Unknown to him, his sister and mother have been found
A comma is needed after 'him' to separate the introductory phrase from the main clause for clarity.
"he built the cell behind the other cells in the prison and arrested an innocent deaf and mute man"
→ Suggestion: he built the cell behind the other cells in the prison, and arrested an innocent deaf and mute man
A comma before 'and' is necessary here to separate two independent clauses.
"feed the the mother and sister"
→ Suggestion: feed the mother and sister
There is a repeated word 'the' that needs to be corrected for clarity.
"when Pontious Pilot became Governor"
→ Suggestion: when Pontius Pilate became Governor
The name 'Pontious Pilot' is misspelled; it should be 'Pontius Pilate' for accuracy.
"the innocent prisoner released"
→ Suggestion: the innocent prisoners released
The subject 'prisoner' should be pluralized to match the context of multiple individuals being released.
"the mute and deaf man was let out and the communicated that people were in the hidden cell behind them"
→ Suggestion: the mute and deaf man was let out and he communicated that people were in the hidden cell behind them
The pronoun 'he' is needed to clarify who is doing the communicating.
"because they are lepros"
→ Suggestion: because they are lepers
The correct term is 'lepers' to refer to people affected by leprosy.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
Apply the feedback above and submit your revised version.