Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents a clear sequence of events, but there are areas for improvement in grammar and syntax. By refining your verb choices and sentence structure, you can enhance the clarity and impact of your narrative.
Your Writing with highlights
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Judah goes to a group of guys and they talk. While they are talking someone is fighting the priests and they go and fight them. After they fight them Judah tells them to meet him in Bethlehem and they do and he makes an army.
Issues Summary
"someone is fighting the priests"
→ Suggestion: someone fights the priests
The present continuous tense 'is fighting' can be simplified to the simple present 'fights' for clarity and conciseness in this context.
"they go and fight them"
→ Suggestion: they go to fight them
Adding 'to' before 'fight' clarifies the purpose of their going, improving the flow of the sentence.
"he makes an army"
→ Suggestion: he gathers an army
The verb 'makes' can be more accurately replaced with 'gathers' to convey the action of assembling an army.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
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