Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents a thoughtful exploration of the author's insights and experiences. With some attention to spelling, punctuation, and clarity in syntax, the writing can become even more engaging and effective. Keep up the good work!
Your Writing with highlights
Hover over highlighted text to see feedback and suggestions.
The author showed a bunch of things that people wrote to him. The things that people wrote were problems that they had. One guy said that he worked and worked and now has a thriving business, but he feels like he doesn't know his family anymore. People told problems about their children not listening to them
The author talks about one of his sons who was doing very poorly in school and was not athletic at all. The author and his wife decided to change them selves instead of trying to change him. Instead of trying to protect him they changed and told him that he did not need their protection. The boy, after a few months had perfect grades and became a great athlete.
A teacher handed his class cards. On half of the cards was a picture of a young girl. The other half showed a picture of an old woman. After each student had a card he had them pass the cards in. Then the teacher showed a picture of an illusion, which had the young girl and the old girl on one face depending on how you looked at it. The students with the pictures of the young girl only saw the young girl and it was the same for the other students. The author has not said it yet but I am sure that the first habit of highly effective people is seeing things from other people's perspectives.
Issues Summary
"them selves"
→ Suggestion: themselves
The word 'themselves' should be written as a single word without a space. This is a common mistake, and remembering that reflexive pronouns are always one word can help.
"Instead of trying to protect him they changed"
→ Suggestion: Instead of trying to protect him, they changed
A comma is needed before 'they changed' to separate the two independent clauses. This will improve the clarity of the sentence.
"after a few months had perfect grades"
→ Suggestion: after a few months, he had perfect grades
The sentence structure is unclear; adding 'he' clarifies who achieved perfect grades, making the sentence more coherent.
"which had the young girl and the old girl"
→ Suggestion: which had the young girl and the old woman
The term 'old girl' is incorrect; it should be 'old woman' to maintain consistency with the earlier description.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
Apply the feedback above and submit your revised version.