Teacher's Summary
This writing sample presents a thoughtful narrative with some interesting insights. By addressing the grammatical and punctuation issues identified, the clarity and flow of your writing will improve significantly. Keep up the good work!
Your Writing with highlights
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The author says that when he was writing a book he took a vacation to Hawaii for one year. He recharged in beauty, peace and quiet. He also learned that although talking about these habits he was not fully integrating them into his life. For starters he and his wife did not always agree and it felt to him like they were growing apart. And so he talked to her and she felt the same way, so he told her that from now on they were going to be most open and vulnerable with each other.
A few years back the lived on the university of something and needed a new fridge his wife wanted a certain brand but that would mean driving to the city which was a big headache. But later the author learned that she wanted that brand because it had a deep emotional connection to her father.
Just being open with people could solve a lot of problems. The authors so is writing about his daughter the authors granddaughter and said that she had severe depression and died from it. So the authors son started a horse stable for girls with depression because for one the daughter liked horses and two she used them to get away from her depression. It helped a bunch of people who had had trauma and depression.
Issues Summary
"the lived on the university of something"
→ Suggestion: they lived at a university
The subject 'the' is incorrect here; it should be 'they' to match the plural subject. Additionally, 'at a university' is the correct preposition.
"the authors so is writing about his daughter"
→ Suggestion: the author's son is writing about his daughter
The phrase is confusing and lacks clarity; it should specify 'the author's son' to indicate who is writing.
"the authors granddaughter"
→ Suggestion: the author's granddaughter
The possessive form 'author's' needs an apostrophe to indicate ownership.
"the authors son started a horse stable"
→ Suggestion: the author's son started a horse stable
Similar to the previous issue, 'author's' should have an apostrophe to show possession.
"because for one the daughter liked horses and two she used them"
→ Suggestion: because, for one, the daughter liked horses, and two, she used them
Commas are needed to separate the clauses for clarity and improve readability.
"who had had trauma and depression"
→ Suggestion: who had experienced trauma and depression
The phrase 'had had' can be awkward; 'had experienced' is clearer and more concise.
Error Breakdown
✏️ Your Rewrite
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